Sitting on my Harley Davidson at last, Feb '04.
'Lord Master Daddy Emperor' is a 32 year old m/f prodomme, butch, bisexual, polyamourous switch and sadistic Sir who plays pansexually, and combines deep Old Guard traditions with New Guard values, Avant Guard cooking and Right Guard deodorant. He has been training boys in the BDSM Leather Fetish Kink lifestyle since the womb; first by practising knots with his umbilical cord and then creating a dungeon space in his crib. He is a member of the NLA, CHC, GMSMA, DMV and IMTU*. He has two boys, a slave, a slavette, a Gorean slave, a puppy, a lover, three boyfriends in training, a mentor, a wife, an ex-wife, three collared submissives, and his boys each have a slave and a puppy. He is currently single.
(* IMTU = I Made This Up)
Suddenly I was greeted by people who used scene names I'd not heard before, such as slavette, grrl, boi, pup, puppy, Daddy, Mama and Goddess. Some people had BDSM personas, perhaps more than one depending on what subject they were teaching, or used titles that I associated with the opposite gender (e.g. female "Daddies" and "Sirs"). Some arrived with an entourage of boys, girls, acolytes, slaves and ex-slaves that they were in the process of training. I had no idea how to fit in to the hierarchy: is IML higher than a boy but less than a Sir? Whom do I call Master? Can I get away with just being "John from London"?
The more questions I asked the more complicated it got. It doesn't help that the titles are used in many different ways, for instance:
Not only are leather identities a source of confusion, they are also a source of conflict when two people meet who use titles in different ways. I was at one event where a Top asked a boy to call him "Sir" but the boy replied "With respect, I am a boy but you are not my Sir". The Top then replied, "You want me to keep calling you boy but you're not allowed to call me Sir?!"
Other examples of potential conflict include:
It's almost impossible trying to navigate the BDSM community and remember what title people would like to be called and the way in which they would like that title to be used. I have four suggestions that might help the situation:
2) Just as you have the right to call yourself any name you want, so other people have the right not to join in with your fantasy. Don't get upset if someone else does not feel able to call you by your chosen title.
3) If you meet someone with a submissive title, that does not mean that you can take advantage of them. Unless you are their Master, they have just as many rights over their body, clothing and collar as you do. Please ask their permission before you touch their body, clothing or collar. If the submissive is in a relationship, you need to ask their Dominant's permission as well.
4) Remember that you don't NEED a title. The people I most respect on the BDSM scene tend to have no titles and they let their skills, accomplishments and playing ability speak for themselves,
Have fun, and look after yourselves and the people you play with.
International Mr Leather 2003