"HARNESS" column for Beefyboyz.com - September 2003

How can you tell if a Top can be trusted?

"You're new to the leather scene and meet a hot man in a leather bar. He says he wants to take you home, dominate you and do 'bad' things to you. It's what you've always wanted, but you don't know if the 'bad' things he wants to do to you are things you'll enjoy. How do you know if he can be trusted?"

There's always a small risk involved when you meet a stranger in a bar and agree to go back to his place for sex - but the risk is greater if you're also planning to let the stranger tie you up, or get off on dominating you. How do you know if this Top can be trusted? Here are some good and bad signs to look out for, (with thanks to G.M.F.A. for providing some of these suggestions):

Before anyone panics, I have to say the chances of you meeting a psychopath are extremely rare. I think I've only met one dangerous guy in all the hundreds of nights I've spent in leatherbars, and in the time it took for the guy to go to the toilet a number of men had come over and warned me about him. However, it's more likely you will meet a guy who misreads your body language during a scene, wants to expand your limits but doesn't realise he's beyond them already, or is just on his own personal trip and isn't thinking about you. The more knowledge and experience you have, the more confident you'll be about saying "no" to those people and having a great time with the rest of us.

Have fun, and look after yourselves and the people you play with.

John Pendal
International Mr Leather 2003

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