"HARNESS" column for Beefyboyz.com - November 2003

Five stages of a Bondage or SM scene

"I've heard that even when you meet a Top who can be trusted, a bondage or SM scene can leave you feeling upset afterwards. My friend had a really bad experience and the Top wasn't even doing anything heavy at the time. Is there way to prevent this?"

Although bondage and SM can be exhilarating and leave you on a high from endorphins flooding your body, it's also possible to stir deep emotions in the Top or bottom that are not so much fun to deal with. Sometimes one player or other might feel irrational anger, sadness or fear with no apparent cause or trigger. There is no guaranteed way to prevent a scene from going wrong in this way, but the risk can be reduced by breaking the scene down into five stages:

Even if you follow these guidelines one or other of the players might still have a bad emotional reaction in a scene. There's nothing you can do to stop this, but you can make the other person feel better about it by stopping the play and reassuring them both physically (hugs are great) and verbally. It might not be either person's fault that it happened and you may never discover what the trigger was. By dealing with each other with compassion and respect you can make it less of a negative experience.

Have fun, and look after yourselves and the people you play with.

John Pendal
International Mr Leather 2003

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